the anti V brigade

If you love comic books/graphic novels, and happen to genuinely believe that Frank Miller is the one true God, and not just figuratively, you’ll love 300.

If you had watched the minor masterpiece that is Sin City, and came out after that believing you had just seen the best ever interpretation of a graphic novel committed to the big screen, then you’ll love 300.

If you had seen Gerad Butler flexing his muscles convincingly in 2001’s made for TV film Attila, or were blown away by his vocal dynamics in 2004’s Phantom Of The Opera and thought to yourself, “This man is going to be star!”, then you’ll love 300. * the fact that he’s appeared in dross like Tomb Raider, Reign Of fire, and Dracula 2000 won’t change your opinion.*

If you like watching scantily clad alpha males with Greek god like toned bodies dripping with machismo and testosterone ripping apart exotic looking Persians to shreds with their broad swords and long spears in animalistic but balletic slow-mo fashion, then you’ll love 300.

If you had seen Zack Snyder’s 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake, and formed an opinion for yourself that the director of the film displayed great potential and has a great future ahead of him,then you’ll love 300. *now we can safely assume that Watchmen will be great … surely …no?*

If you had spent St Valentine’s Day with the V-Man and his minions watching turd otherwise known as Ghost Rider and felt terribly pained not solely because you had to part with 8 dollars to bear witness to a horrendously abysmal film, but that you had to part with a further 10 to take a cab back home on top of that, you’ll love 300.

If you watched Troy, and wept at the trashiness of it all and the comedic pretty boy casting choices of Brad Pitt playing Achilles and the annoying Orlando Bloom as Paris, wishing they had cast “proper” looking blokes in a swords and sandal flick as well as death upon the director, then you’ll love 300.

If you had played Golden Axe 3 on the now extinct Sega Megadrive 2 as a wee lad back in the early 90s, and were thrilled by the slashing and dicing which got you through each stage culminating in the orgasmic satisfaction derived from executing each respective level boss, then you’ll love 300.

If you like epic blood and guts period films like Ridley Scott’s Gladiator and Mel Gibson’s historically inaccurate Braveheart, but feel a tinge of dissatisfaction with these movies because you reckon they could have done without all that “schmaltzy” melodrama and “unnecessary” character development that just serves to slow down the proceedings, you’ll absolutely love 300.

AVB Rating: 7/10
AVB Verdict: 300 isn’t for everyone. That much is certain. But in my book, it satisfied all the hype that had been growing around it the past few months and it came through without disappointing like most of such films do.Ok, so the NIN soundtrack was only used in the trailer. But that is just a minor gripe. We expect great things from Zach Snyder. Hollywood needs more Zach Snyders to make up for all its Joel Schumachers *Sorry Joel, couldn’t resist.* and Michael Bays.

Points to ponder: When Leonidas(Gerad Butler) is informed by his captain that he had assembled 300 of his finest soldiers, was the captain including himself? If he was, he ought to have made it clear that he had assembled 299 of the finest. Anyways, assuming he did, he sure wasn’t including Leonidas. Surely then the movie ought to be titled ‘301’. And surely Leonidas is as worthy as anyone of the other 300 Spartans who went to battle against the might of the Persians. If I were Leonidas, I wouldn’t be best pleased with this minor detail that Frank Miller seems to have overlooked.

-The Reviewer