the anti V brigade

Yeah I know April Fool’s has already past. But hey, it’s never too late for this entry. I was sitting in front of my comp yesterday, feeling a little paralysed from working laboriously on an assignment, (which isn’t mine by the way. I wouldn’t have been putting as much effort if it was) when it suddenly occurred to me that it’s April 1^st and that it’s well April Fool’s day. I don’t think most people even remembered it’s a day for practical jokes and pranks. I guess when you get older, things like that hardly matter anymore. In fact I can’t recall when it last actually did.

Then in a moment of whimsical self indulgence, I felt the inclination to seek some amusement to free myself from the crushing jaws of boredom. And April Fool’s was always going to be a convenient excuse for little moments of madness which usually go unappreciated by the unimaginative. So I typed out the following message on my rather archaic Nokia mobile phone and promptly sent it out to various people curious to know what the response would be like.

‘I am dying. Constant sharing of needles and sexual romps with my neighbour’s pet monkey has finally done me in. I have AIDS. I am going into reclusion. Goodbye friends, acquaintances, lovers and Aneez*.’

The following are some of the responses  i received. They range from the mundane to the slightly amusing. Needless to say, 90 percent of them didn’t bother replying, but that was to be expected. Not everyone entertains loonies. I also slightly regret that most of you have to be named and shamed and  apologise for that; but I simply can’t help amusing myself at your expense. No hard feelings eh.

The wishful

Afzal: ‘In tat case can I have ur football shoes…Thanks… ’ *I don’t mind giving away my football shoes, except it will be wasted on someone who plays the game like once every year,…you useless twat.*

Prakash: ‘Get well soon! But if you do go, can I have your cds?’ *you know what they say about lawyers…cunts*

The clueless

Kumari: ‘Don’t talk rubbish..you got de flu or something?’ *no…I got FUCKIN AIDS*

Chang Yew: ‘You sure? Ha!’
*yes I’m sure you fuckin cunt*

Goofy: ‘Oh wats up.’
*err AIDS?*

The AVB

Pre: ‘WTF?’ *like I said to her, it’s the most eloquent response I got yet*

Ah-neh: ‘Ok not you. Drama ma ma.’
*I’m fine really. I just happen to have AIDS*

The Dentist: ‘Hahah are you ok?’
*ofcourseeee..its just AIDs after allllll*

The ones who knew better

Sadhana: ‘There’s gotta be a better way to celebrate this day.’

Irishwind: ‘You cant keep pet monkeys in Singapore!!’

The sympathetic

Sashi: ‘Aww, you’ll be missed. *hugs*’

Simran: ‘May your soul rest in peace.’

The Not-so-sympathetic

Gopi: ‘Yes finally!’
*my mate of 13 years. He loves me. really.*

Aarthi: ‘Are you really dying of AIDS? If you are, tell me. Then can interview you for sociology project. Hehe.
*yes…it would be my pleasure darlin*

The perplexing

Vis: ‘April fools to you too for being so foolish wanting to party with your next door monkey. Enjoy your remaining time on this god forsaken country.
*speechless*

Iman: ‘ U knw, considering ure character I would believe you.’
* yeah it’s a known fact that im a junkie and that I enjoy bestiality*

The dull

Ganeshini: ‘Ha Ha funny… Happy april fools day to you too.’

Rani: ‘Jeez…Pretty bored aren’t ya?’

The racist (I’ll keep him anonymous for his sake)

R: ‘ Whaaaat? Slut. Wad you talking about? I told you don’t mix with nataans…’

The Christian (typical…and ill keep this City harvest disciple anonymous as well…for fear of provoking God’s fury of course)

E: ‘Heh…Good news, I have a cure for you! Free this Easter? Ha ha!’

The rest

Chubby: ‘ ……Right.’

Shanjini: ‘Haha…What is wrong with ya wummy?’ *nothing…just AIDS*

And of course no experiment would be complete without a contribution from the V-man himself, at his witty best no less.

V-man: ‘Err… Don’t forget my pet lion and sonic the hedgehog’
*how could i…how could I ever*

- WUMmy