the anti V brigade

I’m back after a long hiatus. Can’t blame me. The site was so derelict, even hosting my shinobi image on the masthead couldn’t do much to entice me to type. So, I bade my time, stood by the sidelines and tried to comprehend what the hell all the noobs were up to and what was riding up their ass crack.

You know a place is doomed when the main contributor, moderator, editor and publicity chairman is WUMmy. Hence, I had to step in. Today I will expound on a story. A tale that has many different elements written into it. However, unlike a normal fable, I’ll let you know the moral now. The moral of this story is: Delete all files before handing over a borrowed thumb drive [including hidden files and folders].

Recently, I had the pleasure of viewing a recent graduate’s resume in the bold search for a job in this topsy turvy market. I’d like to think I learnt a few lessons in life after scrolling through the measly two pages his entire life encompassed.

Let me start with the first section that slaps you across the face like when you walk through the opening automatic doors at Paragon after sweltering in humidity outside.

” Profile: Ability to work in consensus…insightful views…effective…motivated learner … resourceful … detail oriented … responsible … ethical”

Now, the last bit totally murdered me. Ethics! From the man who fucked a monkey? This is Africa all over again. Still undeterred I proceeded to skim the rest of the skimpy facts and figures he had listed.

So, our protagonist lists down his past work experiences, taking careful note to include his part time experience as a phone surveyor because it is highly applicable in his job search in the IT industry. That’s right chummy, pull up those minis, polish your heels and get ready to get some phones slammed down on you, “She had me at Hello” will be your new tag line.

Bemused, I couldn’t stop now. Under activities, on why he was the Treasurer of a society for 2 years running: “was consecutively selected for this post due to my competence”.

And no resume is complete without its resident fib. I mean if top CEOs do it in the case of their degrees, why not this chap? It was something minor. But I caught it anyway. Since when does belonging in a sub-committee [read: lowly minion] mean “Management”? That he was “commended for my hard work and dedication” didn’t rock my boat either. You dirty, self praising cunt.

I’m done. I hope WUMmy gets a job pretty soon based on his “hard work and dedication”. Now, you can fuck off too. What you waiting for? Moral of the story?

- Ah-neh