Filed under: super d's musings
Hey everyone. It has been awhile since my first entry. I apologise for the delay; though Uncle WUMmy said I need not bother. But unlike him I have manners. Ah-neh once described Uncle WUMmy to be a ‘25 year old child’. I think Ah-neh is far closer to the truth than he realizes. Anyway it has not been easy on my part to sneak off to gain access to Pa’s laptop with the constant surveillance I am subjected to; especially from Grandma who never leaves me out of her sight when she’s around during the day to babysit me on week days. Uncle WUMmy calls her a pest. I am inclined to agree.
The constant attention I get from the adults can be suffocating. They don’t realize I’m not a child anymore. Ok…technically I still am, and will continue to be for the next decade or so. But I currently possess the mental age of a 13 year old. Yes, it may be difficult for you to comprehend since none of you have ever been child geniuses. I feel like a teenager trapped in the body of a toddler; and I am helpless to do anything about it. My parents have yet to discover my special gifts. Uncle WUMmy insists they should remain in the dark about it. He reckons they would not be able to handle the ‘shock’ of me being ‘unusual’ and would ship me off to some ‘unusual’ laboratory where ‘unusual ‘men who don ‘unusually’ large lens glasses upon their ‘unusually’ large oval heads would conduct ‘unusual’ experiments on me for their own ‘unusual’ purposes. He obviously thinks I believe him. But I’m smarter than that. But in any case, I have my own reasons for keeping this a secret. Them knowing would only result in further increase of attention that is already quite grating.
Uncle WUMmy used to go on about being ‘too hip to be a teacher.’ Then he goes on to become a relief teacher. Strange that. He is a hypocrite my Uncle WUMmy. I have always wanted to tell him that. But at least he is exciting. That is more than I can say for the rest of the family. How exciting can it be having parents who are both teachers? Uncle WUMmy maybe a liar, a despicable thief( he steals coins he lying around the house), terribly mean and a piss taking brat who’s not nearly as clever as he thinks he is, but at the least he’s entertaining.
I am currently reading Slaughterhouse 5. 2 days ago, the author Kurt Vonnegut died of brain injuries he had suffered from a fall in his home a few weeks ago. So it goes. I am still only halfway through, but I can understand why my Uncle WUMmy raves about it constantly. The random nature of the tale along with its accompanying dry humour, effervescent imagination and serious anti-war undertones is quite a joyful read. It saddens me somewhat. Being only slightly more than a year old, death is not a concept I have quite yet come to understand; and hopefully with good health and barring any freak accidents, (of Uncle WUMmy’s making) I ought to live up to a ripe old age like 84 as Vonnegut did.
And with that, I will take my leave. The effect of the sleeping pills I had put in Grandma’s cup of tea should be wearing off soon. Uncle WUMmy who had helped me procure them said that this variety is only potent for a couple of hours. Hopefully, you don’t have to wait for too long for my next entry. Till then, Goodbye!
- Super D
Filed under: Shout Out
Ok I admit. In the midst of panic to write this piece, I had asked my brother for a little assistance. What was i supposed to do? I was desperate. (Unfortunately this pilot entry had a deadline tagged to it.) This is my debut effort, and I wanted to impress by injecting a little testosterone into my writing. But to do that, he said he’d just have to write about boobs.
So I decided it was a bad idea to have even approached him at all. Like it or not, I’d have to do the writing all by meself. So here goes.
People have always commended me on how I take a soft approach to things. According to them, whenever something urgent has to be done, or when there is conflict, or even when it just comes to saying “no”, I seem to be able to settle these situations in a sensitive way without getting anyone hurt.
If it what they say is indeed true, then I am glad. For I truly appreciate looking at matters at a microscopic level; especially where human emotions are concerned. I realise sometimes when you look hard at things in finer detail, you’d find that it’s a different beast altogether. Only then will you be to tackle the issue in a more effective and delicate manner.
To illustrate to you where i am coming from, here’s a close-up picture I took of an item we all have. Can you guess what it really is?
Clueless? I bet once you know, it’ll all seem so obvious. I promise. Just bug the dreamer for answers.
- the Dreamer
Filed under: AVB EXPOSE
This is slightly overdue, but a few days ago,while perusing online media, we chanced upon the following article on the Channel NewsAsia website.We felt a need to highlight this to express our ‘concern’ for a certain individual affectionately known as the V-man.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/268487/1/.html
Here are some excerpts from the article that provide the gist of the issue at hand.
‘… If ones buys a pirated DVD or VCD, or even if one makes a call to place an order across the causeway, it is considered being involved in an organised crime.
This, according to the Motion Picture Association, which represents companies such as Disney and Paramount Pictures.’
‘… A recent raid in Malaysia raked in more than one million illegal copies.
“They found computers and databases of customers from all over the world and I’m afraid to say that a lot of those customers are here in Singapore. The gangs that are involved in this are organised crime groups, unquestionably organised crime groups,” says Michael Ellis, Senior VP & Regional Director (Asia Pacific), Motion Picture Association – International.
“And Singapore customers who are dialling or emailing their orders to Malaysia and asking for the products to be delivered here are involved and supporting organised crime. And I have to tell you, we know who you are and we’re providing that information to the authorities in Singapore. If you think that by buying one disc or one pirated DVD, you’re not involved in this, it doesn’t affect you, you’re wrong, it does,” says Mr Ellis. ‘
So if this article is to be believed, YOUR information is in that database V-man! They know who you are! THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU! Didn’t you just declare with unsupressed glee that your latest shipment had just arrived yesterday. We at the AVB figured the need to alert you to this in the hope that it’ll persuade you to end your participation in ‘organised crime.’ Cean up your act now V-man…or else!
On a side note, if something does happen to you, could you donate your DVDs to the AVB motion picture ‘collection’. It will be much appreciated.Thank you.
- The Editor
Filed under: AVB Proclamations
So it turns out that we’re currently on a vigorous recruiting campaign.We haven’t had lsomething of this magnitude since October.Over the past month or so we had unveiled 2 new contributors to the fold in the form of the ’scatter brained’ Dentist, and later the ‘prodigal’ Super D.
Anyway,at our most recent ‘board meeting’ we felt the need to address the problem of having just one female contributor; our 12 year old book reviewer.We felt the need to take measures to quell the potential of becoming labelled as a ‘patriarchal’ organisation. So we went out and got ourselves a new female recruit.Yeah, it’s that simple really. Now our 12 year old book reviewer will have someone around for ‘girl talk’ or whatever bollocks females do.
We present to you our newest member, the Dreamer.She quit her job to start a blog. Yeah, you better believe it.
We know her moniker is a tad un-AVB like, but i guess eclecticism is always a fantastic trait to strive for in any organisation. Anyway we reckon she will be a fantastic addition and look forward to her contributions.
With that, we end this official “unofficial” announcement.
-The Editor
Filed under: Shout Out
Disclaimer : Author as his nickname suggests has no formal or informal training in economics finance philosophy or anything that relates to this article. He is also a big fan of alice in wonderland and wants to tell everyone that previous article was actually titled Alice in drivingland hmmp!
If the whole world seems dusty, maybe you need to wipe your spectacles—ancient proverb
Well maybe my glasses are dusty but everywhere I look today I see this eternal debate between the Absoluters and the Percentagers . (The absoluters are those who believe that absolute figures say more while Percentagers believe the truth is in percentages)
I see this conflict in issues that affect the country as well (such as the charities scandal) and personal everyday issues(where to have lunch) and Financial issues small and large.
Let me explain this with the bigger issues first. One major problem everyone had with the charities is that they only used a small percentage of the funds collected for charity. These people are the Percentagers. They believe the charitability or the personal charity budget of individuals is finite and that if these big charities had used a greater percentage of the charity money for charity more poor people would have benefited or at least the givers would have saved some money.
The people who run the charities are the Absoluters(either that or machiavilian villains). They believed that for charity it is the absolute money raised that is important. That ten percent of ten million would help more poor people than 80 % of a hundred thousand. I.E – they believed that the charitability of the public was not finite. If they didn’t spend money raising money it would not have been raised- they believed.
Now to the more personal issues. Sometimes within myself I notice a Percentager and an Absoluter. Some times my two halves have very violent debates about my personal budget.
The Percentager would argue that saving money on lunch, (For example, a four dollar lunch instead of a eight dollar lunch) is more important than saving twenty dollars by buying a 30 dollar shirt instead of a fifty dollar shirt for example). This is because the savings on lunch is 50 % compared to 40 % for the shirt.
The Absoluter would counter that such logic was absolute nonsense. Twenty dollars was twenty dollars and four dollars was four. The real question ofcourse was if the more expensive shirt had a greater value and if this difference was greater than the additional benefit of the more expensive lunch.
After much discussion my two halves have concluded that the whole(different from the parts) needs a bit more money and a lot less time.
- The Dentist
Filed under: Shout Out
Yeah I know April Fool’s has already past. But hey, it’s never too late for this entry. I was sitting in front of my comp yesterday, feeling a little paralysed from working laboriously on an assignment, (which isn’t mine by the way. I wouldn’t have been putting as much effort if it was) when it suddenly occurred to me that it’s April 1st and that it’s well April Fool’s day. I don’t think most people even remembered it’s a day for practical jokes and pranks. I guess when you get older, things like that hardly matter anymore. In fact I can’t recall when it last actually did.
Then in a moment of whimsical self indulgence, I felt the inclination to seek some amusement to free myself from the crushing jaws of boredom. And April Fool’s was always going to be a convenient excuse for little moments of madness which usually go unappreciated by the unimaginative. So I typed out the following message on my rather archaic Nokia mobile phone and promptly sent it out to various people curious to know what the response would be like.
‘I am dying. Constant sharing of needles and sexual romps with my neighbour’s pet monkey has finally done me in. I have AIDS. I am going into reclusion. Goodbye friends, acquaintances, lovers and Aneez*.’
The following are some of the responses i received. They range from the mundane to the slightly amusing. Needless to say, 90 percent of them didn’t bother replying, but that was to be expected. Not everyone entertains loonies. I also slightly regret that most of you have to be named and shamed and apologise for that; but I simply can’t help amusing myself at your expense. No hard feelings eh.
