the anti V brigade

I hope to make this as quick as possible. Grandma is watching Sun TV. She thinks I’m fast asleep in my crib. I am hoping she won’t check on me for the next 10 minutes or so. But chances are, with her attention transfixed on Sun TV, that isn’t likely to happen. That’s probably the only thing in the world that she’s obsessed about enough to be taken in completely by it. Uncle WUMmy once wrote about this dysfunction for an article for the KLK. That was a long time ago that.

I have a little trouble typing, because I have yet to recover completely from dislocating my shoulder last week. Pa was playing with me; and in his overzealousness perhaps exerted a tad too much force on my right arm. I felt a sharp excruciating pain, and the next moment I looked down to see my arm positioned oddly like a plasticine limb twisted out of shape. I let out a wail more out of sheer horror of the sight of the deformed state of my being than the actual pain itself. Pa rushed me to the doctor who promptly rectified the malady by with one deft manoeuvre on my arm. This is the second major accident I’ve had due to the carelessness on the part of my parents. A few months back, I rolled of the bed when Ma fell asleep beside me. Thankfully, I was alright and escaped with just a few minor bruises. When Pa returned from his school trip the next day, he was devastated to hear what had happened. He broke into tears and in the words of Uncle WUMmy ‘cried like a poof’. It is just typical of Uncle WUMmy to use this incident to ridicule Pa. One of these days, I am going to thump his nose.

Uncle WUMmy can be the meanest at times. In the last couple of weeks or so, he’s been described as being immature, unnecessarily critical, insensitive, uncaring, arrogant, disrespectful, and most recently ‘a sadist bastard’. Sometimes I cannot be certain if he’s actually proud of being described as such. He must have certainly been dropped too many times on the head as a child. The other day he stole my Yakult and got a good bollocking from Grandma. Then he snatched my balloon from me and tied it up at a height that I could not reach. I do not understand the motivation for such actions, but I find such behaviour extremely childish.

He must be in a fantastic mood today though; after the result of yesterday’s Champions’ League Final. Uncle WUMmy absolutely abhors Liverpool and takes pleasure in ‘taking the piss out of them’, as he puts it, at every opportunity he gets. Well needless to say, he has plenty of ammunition now; and if I were a fan of Liverpool I’d stay clear off him! Both Pa and Uncle WUMmy are Manchester United supporters, and perhaps I am expected to follow in their footsteps. But frankly, being a genius and all, I find the idea of 22 men running around the pitch chasing the ball a tiny bit puerile. And even if I eventually do attain an improbable interest in the sport, it is quite unlikely I would develop any kind of affection for Manchester United. Frankly, Uncle WUMmy’s cockiness drives me crazy and the last thing I’ll do is back a team he supports.

Ok, I reckon it is about time I saunter back to my crib. I think it’s about time for Grandma to feed me some of that vile porridge of hers. One of these days, the dreadful taste is going to kill me. I am certain of it. Well, I hope to be back writing soon.Till then… Ta.

- Super D